Arethin looked around quickly to make sure everyone had gotten through, then slammed the portal shut. Panting, she rested heavily on her staff.
“Where..” she looked around. They'd come out in the same courtyard where they'd found Erimond and Clarel, but now no one except Alliance soldiers was here.
“Is everyone alright?” she called.
“'m fine,” Sera waved a hand. She very pale, so pale that there was a green tinge around her lips. “'m fine.”
“Provided we don't start the next Blight, I am fine as well,” Dorian said. He was sweating, his hair damp and his skin ashen.
“Physically, I am well,” Solas said. He cast a concerned look to Iron Bull, who rubbed the back of his neck.
“Boss, don't ever drag me through something like that again.” Bull said. He looked shaken, and like Sera, he was paler than usual.
“I don't intend to.” Arethin said. “Cassandra?”
Cassanda leaned heavily on her sword. “I am—I am alright,” she said. She reached over and cradled Arethin's face in her hand. “What about you?”
Arethin looked down at her hands. “I'm alright,” she said. There was no more blood. “Come on.”
Leliana and Barris approached her, but the rest of the troops hung back, looking nervous.
“You're back!” Leliana exclaimed. “Where did you go? We saw you fall, and then—we didn't see you anymore.”
“It's a...very long story,” Arethin said. “Where is everyone?”
“Erimond died,” Leliana explained. “Someone caught him with an arrow.” she smirked and ducked her head, then sobered. “Most of the Wardens died when Erimond did,” she shook her head.
“Why?”
“We think his blood magic was tied to their lives, not just their minds,” Barris said. “But we don't know for sure.”
Arethin nodded. “Most?”
“One or two remain alive—Commander Surana says that she will do something about them.”
“Is Surana alright?” Arethin asked, remembering that Corypheus' appearance might have hurt her as well.
“She is well,” Leliana said. “When Corypheus left, so did his influence.”
“Fine, good,” she ran a hand over her head. “Is there any more to do here?”
Leliana and Barris exchanged a look.
“Corypheus no longer has his Wardens,” Leliana said. “But we could not kill him or the dragon.”
“Did we at least find out why the Wardens returned here?” Cassandra asked, wiping sweat-damp hair out of her eyes. “What Corypheus planned to do with them?”
“They were going to go to the Deep Roads,” Leliana said, her brow furrowed. “That was what Erimond promised—that he would help them find the Archdemon causing the Calling, and they would slay it.”
“And they believed him?” Arethin asked.
“It is possible that Corypheus was weakening them,” Leliana said. “And then Erimond simply gave them a suggestion that allowed him to take them over completely.”
“Is there anything else we can do?”
Leliana shook her head. “We can only keep the other Wardens away from Corypheus, and perhaps prevent this in the future.”
They picked through the remains of Adamant. There was very little to find, even with so many Wardens having lived there. There were no more Warden survivors—they had all died, in some way or another. The one or two who had outlived the battle, with the exception of Surana, died from internal hemorrhages, the sign of ill-practiced blood magic. Eventually, they began the return journey to Skyhold. They needed to traverse the desert again to return to an eluvian, so it would take some time.
Arethin had no idea what would happen if a new Blight were to begin. She could barely think of it. As it was, she was having a hard time thinking of much besides the next day at a time, and the others who had come with her to the Fade were not in a much better position. The journey had affected all of them, though each in different ways.
Arethin noticed it first with Cassandra. She was far more tactile than usual, taking every excuse to touch Arethin, reaching for her hands or touching her cheek.
The first night they were on the return journey to the eluvian, they shared a tent, as they usually did. Cassandra clung closely, holding Arethin as if she were afraid she would vanish.
Arethin, for her part, didn't know how to feel. She wanted Cassandra close as well, but thoughts of blood and mortal wounds kept her awake long into the night, far past the point of sleep.
The next morning, Sera was awake before anyone else, which was a surprise. She had dark shadows under her eyes and was very pale.
“Are you alright?” Arethin asked her when she saw her, concerned.
Sera gave a jerky nod. “Couldn't sleep,” she muttered.
“I don't blame you,” Dorian muttered. He too was pale, looking a bit wilted and tired.
Arethin looked from Dorian to Sera.
“Is something wrong?”
“I dunno,” Sera grumbled. “That...demon...thing?”
“Well, it's gone now, so don't worry about it so much.”
Sera just gave her a baleful glare out from under the fringe of her bangs.
“I wasn't a big fan of it either,” Bull said. He didn't look very rested either. None of them did, but Sera and Dorian looked the worst. Solas still looked half-asleep, and had wrapped his arm around Bull's. Unusual, for someone who was so indisposed to displays of affection.
The strange habits of her companions continued throughout the day. Solas clung to Bull almost constantly, and Bull, Sera and Dorian were unusually quiet. Cassandra stuck close by Arethin's side.
Arethin chalked it up to the Fade. It made sense that they all had trouble shaking that off.
The worrying trends continued, however. Sera began to have screaming nightmares. The first time she had one it woke the rest of them up, and it was only Bull who could get her to calm down after he'd woken her up.
Dorian ate very sparingly, even after several hard days' ride. Solas did not seem to want to be by himself, and clung to Bull or Arethin's side constantly. Bull, on the other hand, was still quiet and withdrawn, and unusually grim. He and Solas had semi-frequent arguments, some whispered and some not, that were resolved quickly but still happened.
Arethin herself had a hard time shaking the nightmares. She swore she caught the smell of blood every once in a while, and had scrubbed her hands raw the first time she could clean herself up.
Cassandra was worried when she saw that.
“What did you do?” she asked, taking Arethin's hands. She rubbed her thumbs soothingly over the raw patches of skin that had developed on Arethin's knuckles, and Arethin sighed.
“It's fine,” Arethin assured her. “I didn't mean to. I just...”
“We will be back at Skyhold soon,” Cassandra said, squeezing Arethin's hand. “Maker, I never thought I would wish for those eluvians...”
Arethin chuckled. “The Wardens definitely picked a spot that's out of the way,” she said. She looked at Cassandra. “What did you see? In the nightmare?”
“I was drowning,” Cassandra said. “Just...water, everywhere. A weight was dragging me down, and I could not let go of it.”
“You could hear me when I tried to snap you out of it,” she pointed out.
Cassandra nodded. “I could. But I—I was convinced you were dead, but I could not remember when it had happened.” she shook her head, giving a shudder. “I could see images of your death in my head, but I could not recall when, or how, or why. I just knew that it was, and when you called me, it could not be you.”
Arethin shuddered. “That thing was horrible,” she said. “I hope the others are alright. None of them have looked that well lately.”
“I am sure they will be fine,” Cassandra said, her brow knit. “Why did the headstone say 'monster?'” she asked.
Arethin froze.
“What?”
“In the Fade. The headstones all said so many things, but yours...why 'monster?'”
Arethin got to her feet. “Why do you want to know?”
“I have been thinking about what all of them said.”
Arethin shrugged. “Aren't you afraid of monsters?”
“Arethin.”
She sighed and sat back down. “When I—when I killed the Templars,” she said, her voice soft. “I'd never killed anyone before then.” she closed her eyes. “Never. I'd scared many away, injured quite a few, but these—I just--” she cut herself off.
“I am sorry,” Casssandra murmured. “One's first kill is not an easy one.”
“No.”
Cassandra reached out and took her hand.
“I couldn't be the Clan's First,” Arethin said. “Not anymore. Not after that.”
“Surely they did not hold it against you--”
“No. They didn't. No one blamed me. Most of them even thought I did the right thing. But I blamed me.”
“Why?”
Cassandra's question was spoken so honestly that Arethin stared at her.
“Why should I not?” Arethin asked. “I--” she looked away. “How could I have done that?” she asked.
“You were protecting your people,” Cassandra reminded her.
“I know,” Arethin murmured. “But I don't...” she turned away.
“What is it?” Cassandra touched Arethin's hand again.
“I'm a spirit healer,” she admitted, and Cassandra stared at her, eyes wide. “I have been ever since my magic manifested. I know—well, most of the schools of healing, beyond spirit healing. The only one I've never used is blood magic healing.”
“But you've never--”
“I know,” she snapped. “I know.” she couldn't meet Cassandra's eyes. “After that—I couldn't. I couldn't heal anymore.”
“Why not?”
“I don't know. Every time I tried to heal something more than a paper cut something just—stopped. I couldn't. Deshanna says it's just—in my mind. But I...” she trailed off.
“I'm sorry,” Cassandra murmured, and pulled her close. “I can't know what that is like. But I am sorry that it ever happened.”
Arethin leaned her head on Cassandra's shoulder. “Me too.”